Day: March 17, 2014

Catholicism Still Relevant Thanks To St. Patrick’s Day

Posted on

stpatty
Here’s a priest enjoying the fact he never has to deal with a wife and is expected to drink because it’s part of his faith.

I grew up in an Irish Catholic household and have a super Irishy name.  I like to drink and I like to celebrate but I just don’t choose to worship stuff anymore.  It doesn’t change my holiday traditions.  Catholics like to celebrate holidays and I like to celebrate so we have that common ground.  Yay.

Christmas is a fun time for family, but there’s something around the energy of St. Patrick’s day that’s just awesome.  One day out of the year everyone is Irish (which is weird since nobody wanted to be Irish 200 years ago) and everyone makes bad decisions… and because it’s Catholic… you’re forgiven.

It’s baffling to me why Catholicism isn’t the ONLY religion in the world.  If people were given the choice of religion at the age of 21 in America, why would you ever choose anything but being Roman Catholic?

  •  The story of Jesus changing a bunch of well needed re-hydrating water into wine tells me that Mr. Christ wanted us to have a good time instead of replenishing well needed electrolytes.
  • The Sacrament of reconciliation gives you infinite lives – Wash, Rinse, Repeat.  Need a ‘do over’?  Take it.  We’ll let you.  You’re sorry.  We’re good.
  • Drink – I know guys.  I know 40 days and 40 nights of no booze… but …. ummm … let’s CELEBRATE St. Patrick… let’s do it on the anniversary of his death because … it coincidentally happens to be during lent.  LOOPHOLE!!!! Drink up people!!
  • Obligation – Just show up when you can, try not to be a jerk and follow the golden rule.  You’ll probably be good.

I’m just saying that a religion that tells me to drink during service, encourages the pastors to partake and lets you literally get away with murder to make it upstairs is a pretty solid deal.  Nothing against other religions, but as a casual observer of all of them, being Catholic seems to be the easy breezy ride to the pearly gates.  It’s basically the University of Phoenix of faith.

Have fun and be safe today guys.  Oh yeah… Catholics seem to be the least offended of the faiths so if you happen be Catholic, don’t ruin the stereotype after reading this.

 

 

10 LMGTFY Links That Will Save You Hours of Time

Posted on

Guys,

Facebook, Twitter, Google + and other social media can quickly become a time trap where you feel obligated to explain some of the most simple and mundane things to your most ignorant of friends.  Yes, you are in fact their friend and they are “Good People”, but at the end of the day it gets exhausting.

IMG_7236_2

Using LMGTFY.com (Let me Google That For You), you can send a message worth 10X any comment you can leave.  Click on the links below, save this post and refer to it every time you have a friend that begins to rant ignorantly.  Your link will say the following:

  1. I believe you are wrong.
  2. I believe you are too lazy or ignorant to actually go find information… on the same device you are using to post this garbage.
  3. I’m being passive by making this a joke… but seriously… I’d be yelling in your face if you said that to me in person.

Click On One of the links to see how this works… once you get the picture, you can just copy and paste the links in bold into people’s idiotic statuses.

  1. Socialism – Because you might want to double check what this means before you accuse people of it.  http://lmgtfy.com/?q=Socialism
  2. Medical Studies on Vaccination – You know… facts and stuff.  http://lmgtfy.com/?q=Medical+Studies+on+Vaccination
  3. Carbon Dating – When those darn creationists just won’t shut up.  http://lmgtfy.com/?q=Carbon+Dating
  4. Grammar – U no wat I meen, write? http://lmgtfy.com/?q=Grammar
  5. There Their They’re – Just a continuation of #4, but… might as well.  http://lmgtfy.com/?q=There+They%27re+Their
  6. You’re vs. Your – I’m sorry.  Just “grammar is fine for all other issues… but #5 and #6 cover the majority.  aight? http://lmgtfy.com/?q=You%27re+vs.+Your
  7. Statistics on Countries That currently have Gun Control – Pretty self explanatory.  http://lmgtfy.com/?q=Statistics+on+Countries+That+currently+have+Gun+Control
  8. What is Obamacare – I hate that it’s called Obamacare in serious discussion and nobody knows what they are talking about.  http://lmgtfy.com/?q=What+is+Obamacare
  9. Why Fox News is not a valid source of fact – http://lmgtfy.com/?q=Why+Fox+News+is+not+a+valid+source+of+fact
  10. Is everything I read on the internet true?  Why every article I read shouldn’t be considered with equal consideration.  Why I shouldn’t consider the factuality of something I found on the internet as to whether or not it shares my own opinion.  Learning how to be an effective internet searcher is not writing multiple sentences like this.  – http://bit.ly/1kLlqwK

You’re welcome America.  Comment below to give us some of your best LMGTFY so that we can all use this as a happy family!

Never tell a Woman that she’s “One of the Guys”

Posted on

When a man says “You’re just like one of the guys” to a woman, there’s a bit of miscommunication that goes on.  I’ll break it down.
ladiesbelike
What a man thinks he’s saying:
“Hey, you’re my buddy.  You rock!  I can hang out with you, and I don’t have to listen to stories about shopping, or nail salons.  We watch football, play video games, and drink beers. Badass.  Coolest thing ever.  And I wanted you to know, I really appreciate your comradery. You’re one of my favorite people.”

What woman get from it:
“You’re unattractive.  So unattractive in fact, that I forget you’re female.  I mean, in a crowd of men, you blend right in.  You put no effort or care into your looks.  You smell funny, like a guy.  Or even worse but I’ll lump you in anyways.  Unless there was a baby inside you right now, it’s hard to believe you even produce estrogen.  You may even have a mustache you wax.  I mean if you took of your clothes right now, and you didn’t have a penis, I’d fall over backwards in shock.”

Men, let’s take a moment to brainstorm alternatives.  This way you’ll be prepared when your man brain runs aground in foreign waters.

“You’re so awesome, I wish I could hang out with you AND my wife every day.”
-This lets your friend now how much you care about them, while reminding them you have a binding contract that prevents you from being interested in coitus.

“…”
-Saying nothing and staring at your friend with dull, lifeless, cavemen eyes will get across the message of primal friendship that simple words cannot express.

“You’re like my sister.”
-This lets her know that you suspect your families could be traced back to similar origins, thus any coupling may cause serious genetic abnormalities.

“In another life/In another time/If I were younger/etc”
-All of these imply that your friendship and lack of more is merely destiny.  Perhaps in a future life or  alternate dimension, you were destined to be together.  In this one, no way in hell.

Basically guys, as impressive at you think it is that you can have a female friend without feeling the need to “be all up on her”, keep it to yourself.
It’s much more impressive that your woman friend doesn’t start making chimp noises every 5 seconds to try to communicate with you in your native tongue.
————————-
If you like what you read, click here for more.  If you don’t want to click here, we’re not friends anymore.  Just kidding, I don’t have alot of friends.  Please don’t leave me.  I’m going to die alone…
http://sickpuppiescomedy.wordpress.com/author/tonysrivera/

Sick Puppies Student Billy Peery cast in Disney movie about a Mutant Tree

Posted on

The Tree Prince

Sick Puppies is proud to announce one of our very own students, Billy Peery, has been cast in a new Disney Pixar live action CGI hand drawn RomCom Dromedy Satire named “The Tree Prince”.

This is a sad yet happy tale about a prince who was mean to an ugly witch, who turned him into an ugly tree that had the ability to talk so he would freak people out. But he learns the beauty of people’s inner beauty when he falls in love with a princess with a great set of….ethics. (Played by fellow classmate Robin Weintraub.)

The main villain is a troll called the “Casperson” who live in the boughs of The Tree Prince. He tries to eat the princess, who maces him in the eyes at point blank range which causes him to trip and fall into a ravine. He returns later in the movie as a disembodied head who makes comments about everybody’s fashion choices.

Billy won the role over huge actors like; Robert DeGyro (pronounced “Duh Year-oh”), Justin Bebird, and Denver the Last Dinosaur.

It’s fantastic tale of a sapling who grew into a prince,who loses it all, only to get it all back again sometime later.

We hope you will come see this incredible tale when it’s released on Disney DVD in Anchorage Alaska in 2016. There will only be 3 DVD’s made before it’s locked in the Disney Vault, and then the vault is lowered into a vat of acid, so hurry and preorder today!

A**holes Talk Like This. Don’t Be One of Them

Posted on

We’ve all encountered people that we just don’t want to talk to.  From the moment they engage in conversation with us, we just get that “feeling”.  It’s grimy and filthy.  We realize immediately we’ve made a huge mistake.  Here are some warning signs to recognize one before you get too far.

Major_asshole

  1. “Listen” – They preface everything with this word. It’s a guarantee that there is no support to the claim they are about to make.  They want you on their side and they are about ask a favor.  “Listen.  You’re gonna need a new car one way or another.  Why not just buy this one?”
  2. “Dude, Brother, My Friend, Buddy, Chum, Sweetheart, Bro” – If a stranger is addressing you as a close acquaintance, just run away. Nothing good is coming. The initial greeting will be followed by a completely unfounded compliment  “Buddy. I love that shirt on you. Makes you look strong.  You don’t have problems with the ladies, right?”
  3.  “You Know What I’m saying?” – We do.  We heard you loud and clear.  Why don’t you ask what you’re really thinking?  “Will you take my side even though I’m just not smart enough to make a valid point and I find you to be dumb enough to say yes?”
  4. “Okay? Right” – If in the middle of explaining something to you, a person inserts an “okay” or a “right” in a completely random spot of their sentences, it means they find you stupid… OKAY?
  5. Raspy Voice – Signs that the person is not only a smoker, but a yeller, drinker and is likely impatient.  Impatient people don’t care about your point of view, nor do they Test this theory.  It holds up.  There’s usually some sort of strong accent that accompanies the voice too… not isolated to one part of the world.  You know what I’m talking about.  You know. Right? Dude, listen.  You know what I’m saying.

Are there others we are missing?  Put them in the comments.