When I was a kid, I made assumptions about my parents. Now that I’m a parent, I realize now just how wrong I was. Here are a few examples.
- Parents Don’t like Halloween Candy – I just assumed that at some old age, like 16 or 17, kids just stopped liking candy. I never saw my parents eat candy. I never saw them eat out of the bowl. I certainly never caught them eating candy out of my Halloween bag. Therefore, parents don’t eat candy. Now that I’m a parent, I realize that my parents probably ate most of my candy, left me with those terrible black and orange wrapped nondescript candy and double bubbles. I get it now. I can no longer be impressed by the amount of candy I thought I ate as a child.
- Parents Never Do Anything Fun – I honestly wondered as a kid why my parents enjoyed taking us to an amusement park, or regular park, or funtastic nathans, or any other kind of “kid” only place. I would play like crazy with my friends and look at my folks thinking “I never want to grow up. They look so bored.” I didn’t realize that I had sucked all of the life out of my parents and their idea of fun was to sit in a chair without having to pay attention to me. If they were lucky, there would be other battered parents to commiserate.
- Parents Love Being Healthy – Vegetables, Fruit and Milk. Up in my face all the time. Eat that crap. Eat it. I was like “Man, if this is what an adult is like, adult life sucks.” As a parent myself, I catch myself sneaking junk food as I now force vegetables, fruit and milk on my kids. Anna must believe that “healthy” makes you 30 pounds overweight.
- Parents Are Deaf – No. I get it now. My parents just ignored me. I do it now. I’m a horrible person, but there are only so many non-sequitar questions I can take. “Daddy, why are you awake?” followed by “Daddy, I want juice.” followed by “Daddy, Mickey?” with no opportunity to answer any of them.
- Parents Are Always Right – Holy Crap. I hope my kids never figure it out. I certainly didn’t figure it out until I was in my later years of college. If my kids knew just how stupid I was, parenting would be over! It is why we all end up so screwy as adults. These humans with absolutely no experience in child rendering are then tasked to raise new humans… and do it right… with authority… to make their children question everything without questioning them. Parenting is by far the hardest thing I’ve ever done and I lived in Indiana for 5 years… so there’s that.