We’ve all had a coach or a Dad or other male influence in our lives. Here are some standard medical recommendations from them.
- “Stop Being a P***Y.” – This, of course implies that referring to a woman’s genitalia means you are weak. Ummm… coach, have you ever seen what those have to endure? If I’m ever called that, I’m gonna be proud that someone thinks I’m capable of shoving a human out of myself and handling the pain.
- No Blood, No Foul – Clearly coach has missed out on his final semester of internal medicine where internal bleeding and organ damage can be far worse than a gushing nose. But hey… You’re the coach.
- “Are you hurt or are you injured?” – It’s a trick question because if you’re injured, you’re far too hurt to be in a position to answer. Never say you are hurt. Coach will injure you.
- “Walk It Off” – This prescription is my favorite. I’ve walked off plenty of injuries, played on broken ankles and torn knees. Coach knows best.
- “Ice it Up” – Good advice. Most of the time. However; I had the flu once. Coach told me to ice my stomach. And to eat ice. I’m glad the guy wasn’t a flexall fan.
- “Take a Knee” – If there is an injury on the field coach would be like “Take a Knee”… nobody ever got better.
- “Run off Your Sickness” – Don’t tell coach you’re sick. His cure? Sweat it out through wind sprints. Bronchitis was always too stubborn for that.
Have other “Coach” Health Techniques that I missed? Put them in the comments.