Bruce Toolback is really excited about the Heat becoming world champions a third time. “I hopped onto the ‘ole bandwagon today and realized that it was only built to last a year or two. I had to upgrade.” Toolback is no rookie when it comes to wagon ownership. “I first hopped into the Marlins Cart in 2003, but I immediately traded it in for a Red Sox Caw. Wicked good that was.”
When asked if he got in on the “Shaq Heat” of 2006, Toolback scoffed: “You really think I could be a legitimate bandwagon owner if I drove a 2006 before owning the 2012? The model years are too close together. I wouldn’t be a true wagoneer.”
Bruce is nervous that his upgrade may make people think that he’s in this for the long run, but he simply says “I’ll drive this in a ditch and act like I never owned it if I have to.” While researching some background on Toolback, Sick Puppies Comedy did in fact find that he was accused of owning a 1996 Chicago Bulls Wagon and a 2000 XFL wagon. He, of course denies all of it. Dick.