The opportunity of a lifetime has just knocked on the door of fate, do you answer? If you said yes, then this might be just what you’re looking for!
Here at Sick Puppies, we go through Technical Personnel like Hogwarts goes through Defense against the Dark Arts teachers.
We’re looking for bright, hard working people with little to no family and very high tolerance to pain and/or death. Did I say death? I meant fun!
This position just recently opened up after our last Tech pushed the red button and was instantly vaporized on the spot by the immense amount of electricity flowing through the board at that moment. (His family claims that the giant cable protruding from the ground with live sparks coming out of it is to blame, but our legal counsel told us it was his fault)
Here is what you will need to work for us:
– A living will made out to Sick Puppies Comedy
– High level of electrical resistance. (You will be tested using a voltmeter and jumper cables)
– Puncture Resistant – For some reason, random sharp things may fly at you during a show. These are not improvised, these are real. And we prefer you take the hit since if you dodge you may knock something over and damage the equipment.
-You own a red shirt. It blends in with the blood…I mean the wallpaper.
– Large Tupperware so you can store any internal organs that may fall out of you. (We’re not saying it’s going to happen, we just want you to be prepared. It’s like a 50/50 chance. Ok 60/40.)
– You watched Breaking Bad all the way through. (Seriously, we’re gonna talk about the ending in front of you. This also applies to Game of Thrones and College Football)
Thank you for your interest in joining Sick Puppies Red Shirt division. We will have more exciting opportunities soon!
Till then, live long (as long you can), and prosper.