Of course The Illuminati is Real
If you learn nothing else from this totally *educational* comedy blog, learn this: The Illuminati is 100% irrefutably real.
People pretend to like Taylor Swift.
White chocolate covered Oreos are only available one month out of the year.
FIREFLY was CANCELLED.
Could you really explain this madness with anything other than an evil, domineering, world-spanning conspiracy?*
If none of this satisfies you, I’ve got more proof.
Using the secret ancient art of anagramming, I’ve set out to prove the Illuminati’s existence by showing the hidden messages contained within the names of a variety of the world’s most famous celebrities.**
Samuel L Jackson
My whole life is just one big cry for help.
G to the A to the Y
Sarah Jessica Parker
I am a horse.
* I mean, maybe it was aliens. MAYBE.
** No, I didn’t use every letter in every celebrity’s name. Yes, these aren’t hardcore anagrams. No, I don’t care.
*** For those out there going, “That’s mildly homophobic,” I can only say, “I’m gay! I have the gay card! I can make fun of gay people as much as I want. For instance, “Andy Cohen.” That’s it. That’s the gay joke.”