Obama’s So Not the Worst US President, He’s Too Beautiful for That

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tw: I talk about slavery, terrorism, AND genocide in this post, so hide your children and hide your pets. We’re going into the Danger Zone.

Obama? More like NObama.

*chuckles to self*

No, but seriously. How can people think people think Barack Obama is the worst President we’ve ever had?

“He was!” a lone cry shouts from among the millions of people that read articles on the Sick Puppies blog, “Barack Obama’s the worst President we’ve ever had! I mean, look at his name! Sounds like his name is Osama, and who wants a terrorist for a President?”

Well, hypothetical audience member, I think that’s–

“Are you a terrorist?”

Hey there, hypothetical audience member, if you’ll allow me to–

“Don’t dodge the question!”

Okay, so there were a couple years there in Ireland. But that’s not the point!

“What is the point?”

That Barack Obama’s not the worst President in our history.

“Prove it!”

Slavery. There are many Presidents throughout the history of the US who owned slaves. Hell, they didn’t just own slaves. Some of them made their fortune through slavery.

Some of them committed genocide!

Some of them were REALLY UGLY!

I'm sorry, Andy. But you're one ugly genocide-causing freak.
I’m sorry, Andy Jackson. But you’re one ugly genocide-causing freak.

Why are we even talking about this?

I mean, you saw Andrew Jackson. Now look at Barack Obama’s donk:

Look at that booty.
Look at that booty.

If nothing else, you should be wooed over to Barack Obama’s side because he doesn’t just have a donk: he has a badonkadonk. You know what I’m saying?

Case closed. Peery out.

2 thoughts on “Obama’s So Not the Worst US President, He’s Too Beautiful for That

    Louis Samson (@comedyembargo) said:
    December 31, 2013 at 3:26 pm

    I happened upon this article while I was searching wordpress for writings tagged “Ireland.” Imagine my surprise when instead of my usual, intelligent reads about castle fortification and ghost hunting, I find this bit of blarney. So surprised was I, that I dropped my shot of Bailey’s right out of my hand. Luckily it landed my Guinness.

    You talk about Andrew Jackson’s history and distinguished face, then about President Obama’s rear. You’re comparing apples to oranges, comrade. Let’s compare apples to apples and look at Andrew Jackson’s backside for a moment:

    http://www.newmoney.gov/uploadedFiles/newmoney100/usc_currency/20_2003-Present_Images.pdf

    What’s that? A masterful piece of architecture by IRISH designer James Hoban. Commissioned by George Washington. Home to every president since John Adams. Toured by tens of thousands of Americans every year. Until one president, in 2013, cancelled those tours. A slap in the face to Jackson? No, a slap somewhere far worse.
    In light of this new evidence, I humbly request the case be reopened whenever this Peery character is in.

      abillyhiggins said:
      January 2, 2014 at 6:06 pm

      Haha, this is the Peery character, laughing his butt off. I’ll admit you make some good points, but at the end of the day it comes down to this: what’s more satisfying, slapping the back of a twenty dollar bill, or slapping a butt as nice-looking at Obama’s?

      My judgement stands.

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