Nuclear Fallout happen in your town? Stay positive!

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Bad Luck Brian

You may be thinking,
“Wait, it’s not the Cold War anymore man.  There’s no more threat of nuclear war destroying the earth and leaving behind a race of flesh eating mutants man.”
But you never know when a nuke could detonate, or when James Bond will fail his mission and that short guy with the hat will blow up half the US in a great plot twist.
No one’s saying it will happen.

BUT, just in case here’s some helpful ways to look on the brighter side when your neighborhood is a smoldering radioactive crater.

-If your house is still standing, the real estate value will be astronomical.
Just think how much someone would pay for one of the last 5 standing houses in North America.  They’d probably give you 50 rabbit skins for it, and their first born!  (Assuming money no longer holds value, that rabbits are the only fur left worth hunting, and the kid knows how to farm.)

-You can eat whatever you want!
Eating “organic” can be such a headache.  Once the ground is poisoned with so much radiation that potatoes come out with toes and fingernails, you’ll be begging for Beanie Weanies!

-You’re not a mutant
This one doesn’t require a whole lot of explanation.  And honestly, you really won’t get it till your face to face with an army of disfigured freaks who would love nothing more than to nibble on your elbow joints for a few hours.
The closest thing I can think to compare it to would be that gang of teenagers who keep pulling the fire alarm in your building, except they like eating human kidneys.

-You’ll learn to cherish life
Nowadays life passes us by as we waste away on the computer.  If civilization collapses in a firestorm, you’ll start to really savor every moment you have left.  Spend more time with your kids, learn to adjust to that third arm you’re growing, maybe be nicer to your mother in-law.

So just remember, no matter how bad life seems, how destroyed your country is, or how it seems like the biblical prophecies have come to pass and God’s reckoning is being rained down on the non-believers, the glass is always half full.

If you do hear those bomb sirens wailing, it’s probably show night!
Our next show is Fri, Jan 10th! Get your tickets now!


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