This post is Not Safe For Work! Not because of any nudity, profane language, or any direct reference to illicit drugs. (The drug references are implied.)
It’s about how much you can’t stand your boss.
So it’s NSFW since if your boss sees you reading it, they’ll probably fire you. Either that or start crying since it will ruin years of expensive therapy and thier “Mommy issues” will resurface.
Let’s face it, your boss sucks. If your boss doesn’t suck, good for you! Stop reading, because those of us with sucky bosses will find you and break your nose with our Swingline Stapler®.
For everyone else, here’s the kinds of bosses to look out for and some helpful hints on how to deal with them.
Also, for fun, we will add a “Chance of getting Jacked in the Face” scale.
#1 – The Micromanager aka Overbearing Boss
– This is that boss that says “I know you’ve been doing this longer than me, but you’re doing it wrong.” Then shows you how to do your job incorrectly. Then forgets they showed you 3 weeks later and chastises you for your mistakes.
This boss will drive you bonkers, and it will take every once of willpower not to grab them by those annoying lapels and shake them till their tiny annoying heads fall off and roll down the hallway.
How to handle them: These types of bosses just want to feel like their words are important and you’re listening to them. They don’t actually think about what noises are falling out of their face hole. So just politely listen to them, nod and agree, then completely ignore everything they just told you.
Chances are, they won’t remember they said it in the first place and they’ll take credit for you doing such a great job anyways.
Chance of getting Jacked in the Face: Moderate
#2 – Clique King/Queen aka Plays Favorites Boss
-This boss has a small list of favorite employees, and you ain’t on it. (If you are, please refer to the Swingline reference at the top of the article.)
They go out partying all the time with their favs, then talk about it all day at work. Those people on the list can get away with murder, that AND 2 hour lunch breaks!
Meanwhile you get chewed out for using the wrong letterhead. It’s enough to make your head spin around Exorcism style.
How to handle them: A little friendly chat goes a long way with these guys. Just find out something about their family or an activity they enjoy and bring it up once in awhile. These bosses generally were outcasts in high school and are so desperate for friends that they will not care that people just pretend to like them so they can call out sick twice a week. It can be annoying to work with them, but watch how quick they soften up when you show alittle interest in their lives.
Chance of getting Jacked in the Face: Moderate to High (The high being a boss who parties non-stop, talks about it non-stop, and uses the word “Bro”)
#3 – The Hater of all Living Things aka The Eternally Displeased Boss
-This boss is the one that constantly criticizes you nonstop from the moment you punch in, till the moment you walk out the door mid shift because you can’t take it anymore.
There are issues in this bosses personal life and they’ve found a strategy that works for them to cope. Take it all out on you. This boss is the epitome of “Crap falls down”
How to handle them: Realize nothing you do will appease this freight train of unhappiness and learn to find happiness in your own hard work. You know you do the best you can, and that you do a darn good job. That or quit.
Chance of getting Jacked in the Face: So high you’ll probably use the bumper of your car to do it.
There are plenty more bosses to hate on, but these were the most prominent. Just remember, everyone gets cruddy bosses in their lives, it’s how you deal with it that matters.
Feel free to share more boss types with us in the comments, or email us at firstname.lastname@example.org