Megyn Kelly said this week on her show The Kelly File,
“By the way for all you kids watching at home, Santa just is White.”
Then follows up with an excellent defense of her standpoint,
“Jesus was a White man too. He’s a historical figure, that’s a verifiable fact. As is Santa.”
Where to begin.
Jesus is White. I mean if you ever watch any cartoons about him, The Passion of the Christ, or Jesus Christ Superstar you’ll see he’s obviously a White male with a really kick ass beard. It makes sense considering he was born in Israel, to an Israeli family, and is always depicted as hanging out in the sun. It makes even more sense when you remember that God, who also has a kickass beard, is White too. Even if you’re an all powerful, all knowing, universal power that technically could manifest as any size, shape, animal, or even a table lamp; you just can’t change your race. I mean Michael Jackson tried, and his nose fell off!
Now on to Santa, dear beloved Santa.
The 3 main reasons Santa has to be White are as follows:
#1: He’s surrounded by snow 24/7. Snow is White.
#2: Just like Jesus, he’s always White in the movies or TV shows. (I don’t count the ones where he’s not White)
#3: Fox News would never hire someone who wasn’t super highly educated or an expert in their field. Megyn Kelly happens to be a top authority on Santaology and White Power.
So just remember this Christmas when you see a White Santa or Jesus running around, don’t get upset. It’s what White God intended. At least until the day we stop caring about race and start getting mad that Santa’s obese. It’s offensive to thin people everywhere; they can deliver presents too!