Yesterday, shortly after a kick off of two soccer teams somewhere in the vastness of Brazil, a fight broke out and stopped play immediately. Three were sent to the hospital while thousands of others were unclear as to who to fight or why they needed to. “I saw a shirtless guy running at another shirtless guy and I thought to myself ‘I hate that guy'” said one Brazilian man.
An American interviewed at the event was asked why this type of thing doesn’t happen in American sports: “Americans are just too fat and lazy to bother fighting. I mean, look at them. They are just so pretty and in shape. If I had a body like that, I would riot every day. Plus, we have guns.”
Charges will not be pressed as it turns out the fight was far more entertaining than the sport of soccer itself.