You know what I like more than making people laugh? I like the fear in their eyes, the unblinking terror in their eyes when they realize you’re a terrible person. So, in a Grinch-esque anti-Christmas anti-humor spirit, here are some anti-jokes for you to (not) enjoy.
1. A guy walks into a bar. What does he say?
I’m an alcoholic.
2. What do you call a white guy in blackface?
[his name], the racist
3. Why did the dolphin jump out of the water?
Because BP f***ed up again.
4. What did the yam farmer say to his wife, when she asked why he didn’t put any vegetables in their soup?
Frankly my dear, I don’t give a yam.
(That wasn’t an anti-joke. I just wanted to make sure you guys were paying attention.)
5. Knock knock.
The KGB. You’re under arrest for jokes.
6. Why didn’t Batman save the city?
He’s a fictional character. Are you feeling okay?
7. What’s worse than a worm in your apple?
Starvation. Just eat the dang apple.
8. Knock knock.
Orange you glad I haven’t murdered you and your whole family?
I mean, I guess…