I Have a Confession to Make

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Dear Facebook, I am guilty of posting some of the most mundane and unoriginal posts.  For some reason I thought they would be funny or interesting because they came from me, but I was in fact truly wrong.  I’m sorry Facebook.  Don’t break up with me.  Here are some of the types of posts that might make you look just as boring.  Feel free to comment and tell us if we missed any.

1.  “Cute” Weather Posts – “OMG, what is that wet substance falling from the sky?”, “Uh Oh… looks like Snow boots weather in Florida.  It’s 70 degrees.” Dude, we get it. Weather is happening.  It will happen tomorrow.  Next year, Florida will have two days at 34 degrees and you don’t have to act surprised.

2. Surprised by how early stores are selling Holiday stuff – “Guys, can we just enjoy Thanksgiving before being killed by Christmas?”.  No. You can’t.  We’ve been getting sold on Christmas for since the beginning of time on November 1st.  Plus, who cares?  Everyone loves Christmas, right?

3. Your whole family has the Flu – “Well, now Bobby has it.  When are we gonna get a break in this house?” Unfortunately, nobody cares.  Why?  Because we are all human beings that get sick.  Unless you have some really interesting form of disease, you can just have a cold in silence.

4.  Cryptic Posts – “Oh my god.” or “So, that happened.”  These posts are a cry for attention.  Here’s the problem… ALL OF FACEBOOK IS A CRY FOR ATTENTION.  We don’t have the time or patience to figure you out.  Just do what the rest of us do and RANT!

5.  Play by Play Sports Posts – “You gotta be kidding me! That was a foul all day.  SMH.” and “Johnson is never gonna win the big game that way.” What the what?  There’s like 4000 channels of stuff on TV and another 1,000,000 things online that you could be talking about.  Why do I have to figure out what you’re talking about?  Also, 10% of Facebook cares.

6.  Greetings and Goodnights – “Good Morning Facebook!” and “Okay, goodnight”.  You don’t have to announce your arrival to the internet.  Thanks.

7.  Music and Music Video Posts – “These guys totally speak to me.” and “AAAAHHHH… C&C Music Factory takes me back.” I don’t have time to watch/listen to music.  If I did, I’d be on Pandora.

8.  THE RANDOM LIST POST – “Uh Oh… I guess it’s my turn… I never wanted to talk about myself, but now I’m obligated to…” Guys, it’s Facebook… where everyone posts every random damn thing that’s in their head everyday.  Listing all of your random facts and then acting like it’s an obligation is such a COP OUT!  Just be like the rest of us and brag about yourself everyday.

I take a vow to try not to ever do these 8 things again… but no promises.  It’s really hard to believe that all of my facebook friends are interested in what type of dressing I put on my salad.

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One thought on “I Have a Confession to Make

    Adam Rich said:
    November 22, 2013 at 7:03 pm

    “Salad”?!?!?! Who wrote this?!?!?!

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