Facebook to Rename Site Faceworthy

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387673079_640 Starting September 1st, 2013, Facebook will change its iconic name to Faceworthy.  In a recent interview, Facebook CEO and founder Mark Zuckerburg said “It just makes sense.  78% of shared content comes from Upworthy.com.  I’m not sure if the website itself has brainwashed me, but my choice to re-brand just feels awesome. Plus, you just have to click on the titles.  They’re so damn captivating!”

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Zuckerburg’s word “awesome” is what seems to be drawing the most attention. Upworthy prides itself in being awesome and meaningful.  It’s hard to imagine Facebook without Upworthy.

Remember seeing Zach Sobiech?  You know, the kid that had cancer and decided to inspire everyone in his life by writing music and always being happy?  You know, the one where a bunch of celebrities got their hands on his song and put a music video together that made you cry your face in half?  Yeah, you saw it on Upworthy.  If you haven’t seen it, CLICK HERE.  You’re welcome.  Don’t watch while driving.

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We interviewed Peter Koechley, one of the co-founders of Upworthy about the change to Facebook.  He answered using a Dr. Evil kind of voice: “Muwhaahahahahahhaa… my plan of world peace is almost complete.  Now the world will be better for our children… ha hahaha ha ahahaah ahaah aha… world hunger will be a thing of the past and nobody will suffer from hate crimes… Muwhahah ahhahaahahaha.”  We question is use of the evil voice there.

Eli Pariser, the other Upworthy co-founder, was unavailable for comment, but directed us to this gem.  It’s a trap.  CLICK HERE.  Welcome back.  Yeah.  You just got “Upworthied”!  This is what they do.  They send you to their site, have you watch a seemingly “nice” video and the next thing you know, you look like your mother after she’s seen “Beaches” and “Steel Magnolias” at the same time.

Did you notice the Orange Box that pops up afterwards?  That’s the secret sauce in this Big Mac of emotion.  Okay.  Put your email address in there.  Spam?  Nope. Like minded organizations start sending you updates on ways you can be a better person.  Dammit.  Will the insanity ever stop?

So, we’ve only shown you two videos and you’ve already been “Upworthied”.  Zuckerburg was inundated to the power of infinity.  He had no choice.  Faceworthy.com will likely take over the world in a storm of harmony, happiness and yes, awesomeness.  Don’t fight it.  You will eventually assimilate and it will feel really nice.  Prepare to cry at least 23 times a day.  Change your bookmarks and get ready.  Faceworthy.com people.

The Facebook.com domain has been sold to Amazon.com in an attempt to market kindles that you wear like a mask.

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NOTE: This article is pure fiction.  None of the parties listed were interviewed, nor did they endorse this article.  If there happens to be any fact to the claims above, they are pure coincidence.  Well, except for the awesome part. Upworthy.com is pretty awesome.

 

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