Suggestion Sunday: Super Bowl Rule Changes

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ref punchJanet Szalontay is the winner of this week’s suggestion Sunday.  She asked that we provide rule changes that make the Super Bowl more interesting.  Sick Puppies agrees the most boring part of Super Bowl Sunday is the game itself.   We only watch for the anthem, commercials, half time show and Puppy Bowl.  Let’s put the focus back on football.

Delay Of Game – I’ve never understood why you would stop a game to punish a team for stopping a game.  Delay of Game is the dumbest penalty in the NFL.  If you really want to punish a team for taking their sweet ass time, blow up the football if the quarterback doesn’t hike it in time.  Just have a dude on the sideline with a trigger.  If your hand is on that ball, you will probably lose it.  Problem solved.

Hail Mary – Most super bowl games end up being totally one sided.  By halftime, nobody cares anymore. If your team falls behind by more than 10 points, the opposing team gets to burn you at the stake.  Exactly the same way that Queen Mary, daughter of Henry the VIII, did to 280 people that didn’t live up to her score.

Pass Interference – Nothing is more lame than watching a 25 year old man flop on the ground for a penalty.  This isn’t soccer buttface.  If you are caught flopping, you’ll be stabbed by Ray Lewis.  Again.

roughingRoughing The Kicker – The amount of disdain I have for this penalty is overwhelming.  On a football field, everyone with a helmet should be hit.  Especially the kicker.  A kicker is not an athlete.  He’s a golfer that was too poor to buy clubs.  He’s fat, lazy and has barely enough testosterone to be considered a man.   Instead of kicking extra points, leave the kicker unprotected and award the extra point if he can walk off the field after being speared.  Otherwise, go for two.

False Start – I’m sorry, what?  You either started the play or you didn’t.  If some toolbox doesn’t understand a snap count, the other team gets to make him wear ladies underwear for the remainder of the game.

Too Many Men on the Field – If a team can’t figure out simple math, the other team can shoot the extra player.  Not fatally… Plaxidentally.

goodellI’ll be sending these suggestions to Roger Goodell the next time I see him at our annual Dictators meeting.  Last year’s was a hoot.  Kim Jong Il was a riot.

Thanks again for the suggestion Janet.  Happy Super Bowl everyone.

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